I thought today’s post was going to be about how I was feeling on the very last day before Juniordwarf entered the formal education system. I started to write the post as a letter to him. I wrote about how everything was going to change, I wrote about my hopes, my fears and my sadness at beginning the process of letting go.
And I realised I could never publish it.
This is a letter from me, for his eyes only. He may never read it.
I don’t know if I even want him to.
The same goes for the other pages and pages of writing I’ve done since I started this journey of motherhood and, before that, my journals dating back to when I was about ten years old. Part of me wants him to read it when he’s older so that he will be able to understand me better, and part of me thinks he probably wouldn’t be the slightest bit interested about my life. I don’t know if I want anyone to read them, or if I want them to be wiped off the face of the earth once I go.
So the day before the first day of school is not the subject of today’s photo of the day.
Instead, I have a picture of Juniordwarf demonstrating one of his new skills – climbing up to the slide in a rather unconventional way. He’s never been much of a climber, but just recently, he’s got much more adventurous, and when he did this for the first time the other day, I was blown away.
I’m so proud of him.